What to Do When Children's Actions/Words Hurt?
By: Zahra Rahbari
It is very normal for children to refuse to join or participate in the activity, ignore the teacher's encouragement, or even say something unkind. Saying words like "you're stupid" or "picking on the teacher's appearance" is very common among children and students, in general.
It is natural. We care deeply about what we do, and hearing hurtful words can shake us. But as early childhood educators, our role is to stay neutral, to hold steady ground even when emotions rise. You might say, "But how?" First things first. If such things happen, REMEMBER to find your breath. Bring your attention in that very moment to your breath. And continue doing the following and remind yourself that it takes practice and patience:
When we stay neutral, we show children that emotions are safe and that relationships can survive frustration.
💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever experienced a similar moment in your classroom? How did you feel or grounded?
Share your story below or on our collaborative Padlet wall. It is anonymous. Let's grow our group awarness on the topic. Thank you!
It is very normal for children to refuse to join or participate in the activity, ignore the teacher's encouragement, or even say something unkind. Saying words like "you're stupid" or "picking on the teacher's appearance" is very common among children and students, in general.
It is natural. We care deeply about what we do, and hearing hurtful words can shake us. But as early childhood educators, our role is to stay neutral, to hold steady ground even when emotions rise. You might say, "But how?" First things first. If such things happen, REMEMBER to find your breath. Bring your attention in that very moment to your breath. And continue doing the following and remind yourself that it takes practice and patience:
- It is not personal. It is not about you. It is about the child/student.
A child’s words often express frustration, confusion, or a need for control — not a true reflection of you or your teaching. - Pause before reacting.
Take a deep breath. Step back mentally, and remind yourself: “This is not about me. This is about the child’s experience right now.” - IMPORTANT: Seek the message behind the behaviour.
What might the child be trying to communicate? Are they tired, overwhelmed, or needing connection before learning? - Respond with calm curiosity.
Instead of correcting or showing hurt, you might say:
“It sounds like you’re upset. Tell me what’s bothering you?”, or "Tell me how you are feeling", just a check-in with the child/student.
This shifts the focus from defence to understanding. - Reflect later, not in the moment.
Once the situation has passed, reflect privately or with a colleague. Moments like this often teach us more about emotional resilience than any textbook can.
When we stay neutral, we show children that emotions are safe and that relationships can survive frustration.
💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever experienced a similar moment in your classroom? How did you feel or grounded?
Share your story below or on our collaborative Padlet wall. It is anonymous. Let's grow our group awarness on the topic. Thank you!
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